Positive and fun ways to get your kids to play ball
Your child is growing up fast. What social and life skills do you want them to have when they are older?
We all have the ideal image of our child when they grow up. Who do YOU want your child to become?
Do you want your child to become a caring, confident, responsible person? Do you want your child to be a good communicator or excellent problem solver? Do you want your child to be happy in their own skin?
You have enormous power to teach your child the values, social and life skills you wish for them. It starts now!
What is your current reality?
Is your child misbehaving? Are they not co-operating when you need them to? Is your child ignoring you? Do you hear lots of “NO”s? Are power struggles common? Does your child bite or kick or throw a tantrum when things don’t go their way?
Children are not playing up to annoy us. They are simply communicating. Behind their every misbehaviour is a hidden message that your child is trying to tell you. Your job is to decode it and then ACT.
“Overcoming difficulties leads to courage, self-respect, and knowing yourself” - Alfred Adler*
It’s our job as parents to prepare our children for the world; to teach them the social and life skills that will allow them to thrive.
Our children need opportunities to learn. They need to be able to take risks, make and learn from their mistakes. Learn to deal with all types of feelings, from excitement to disappointment.
Sometimes though, in the name of “love” we rob our children from these opportunities. We do things unintentionally that hinder our children’s development. We protect and shield them from harm and disappointment. We do things for them when they are capable of doing them themselves. We meet their wants to minimise tantrums.
*Alfred Adler was an Austrian physician and psychiatrist who is best-known for forming the school of thought known as individual psychology.
“Children are keen observers but poor interpreters” - Rudolf Dreikurs*
Children do what they see rather than what they are told. They watch their parents, copy their behaviours.
So if you: raise your voice, become impatient, angry, frustrated, use bribes or threats or use swear words, when your child is not co-operative, then they will do the same with their siblings, peers, future friends and acquaintances and You.
Children constantly watch you. You are their Parent, You are their Everything. So whatever you do, they believe it is the way to do it. As parents we need to watch ourselves. How we are with and around our children. We need to model the behaviour we want our children to demonstrate.
*Rudolf Dreikurs was a psychiatrist and educator who developed psychologist Alfred Adler's system of individual psychology into a pragmatic method for understanding the purposes of reprehensible behaviour in children and for stimulating cooperative behaviour without punishment or reward.
“I never did a day's work in my life. It was all fun” - Thomas A. Edison
Parents often get so focused on surviving the day. Getting their children from A to Z. Running daily chores. We forget to enjoy being parents.
Making kids cooperate, dealing with their ever-changing needs, requests, tantrums and objections can feel overwhelming, daunting and frustrating.
Sometimes, you are running out of ideas on how to make your child collaborate. You may not know what the best thing to do is.
Often the answer lies in small, but powerful, three-letter word: FUN!
Children learn most when they have fun! Having fun offers lots of opportunities for your child to learn those social and life skills you wish for them.
So have some fun with your child and you will see how this changes your relationship with them.
“Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out” - Robert Collier*
Parents who apply our approach and are committed, report amazing changes in their child’s behaviour and in the relationship they have with their children.
Their children become more co-operative, happier and more communicative. They become independent, more resilient, resourceful and learn to take accountability.
Parents are happier, more relaxed and feel less guilty because they simply don’t lose it like they used to.
*Robert Collier was an American author of self-help
My name is Agata Boczkowska-Young and I am the founder of Family Date.
I am a Certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator and a very happy mother to two amazing children.
I used to be in your position, I struggled to get my kids to cooperate.
Consequently, I was exhausted, angry, always late, never ready. The kids weren’t better off; often unhappy, sad, in tears. It was a problem for me and for them.
So I went on a mission to find a solution.
I found more than that. I found a way to raise my children that allowed me to enjoy my time with them much more, to avoid drama and set strong foundations for parenting my children so I bring the best in them.
I want to help YOU do the same.
“Children learn as they play. Most importantly, in play children learn how to learn.”
O. Fred Donaldson (Pulitzer nominated author, and renowned play researcher)What our customers say about Family Date
Ally K and Lucy
Entreprenuer and 3.5 year old
“The mornings were always a hassle. Lucy (3.5 years old) would refuse to get ready for nursery in time. ALWAYS. She would find any excuse to prolong the time in the morning. This could include: sorting out her books, pretending to be asleep in bed, having a floppy body, not wanting to wear anything I chose for her, making me a “coffee” in her little kitchen… I could go on.
I really didn’t know the reason behind it. Frankly I didn’t have time to think about it. All I wanted was to get her ready and get her to nursery on time so I could get to work. I did not have time to think.
Every morning, the same old story. Tears became part of the routine. Me fuming with anger became part of the routine. Things were just getting worse.
You think getting a 4 year old ready for nursery isn't a big deal. Well I agree, it shouldn't, but it was. I was getting irritated, I hated mornings.
As a result every day, Lucy and I started the day on a bad foot. In foul moods. That is not what I wanted for my girl. I wanted her to be happy, have an innocent childhood, and be free. What I was doing was totally opposite. I was making her (and me) sad and angry. Not a good start.
A friend recommended Family Date. She said, try, it’s all about fun. What do you have to lose. So I contacted them and explained the situation to Agata. She helped me understand a few things and advised an approach to take to address the situation through engaged play.
I tried out a number of approaches that we discussed, but what worked for me the best was a combination of two: giving Lucy the power to decide and the personification of clothing. Suddenly having two pairs of knickers having a discussion in weird squeaky noises about who is going to go on Lucy’s bum, made the whole difference! Lucy laughed, so did I. Lucy chose the knickers and then put them on. How easy!
This was the EUREKA moment. Now mornings are different. Now Lucy and I start the day on the good foot!
Sometimes I take it for granted that I solved the problem and revert into my old self, going through the motions, being transactional. Lucy then reminds me: Mummy, make the socks talk! So I do… and the mood lightens up.”
Sumi Y. and Betty
Finance Manager and 3 year old
“My 3 year old daughter used to hate having her hair washed. She loved having baths but when it came to washing her hair, the nightmare started. She would fight for her life not to have her hair washed. This involved biting, stomping, pushing, hitting… you name it. She was like Jekyll and Hyde.
I couldn’t understand the problem. She loved baths overall. She also loved swimming. Why such drama?
After working with Agata at Family Date, we introduced the technique of problem solving. I couldn't believe this. The solution was in front of my eyes. My girl disliked when water with shampoo got into her eyes, as it did once before (probably more as a result of the fighting). I mean who doesn’t! So we agreed she will use swim goggles and we will pretend we are diving in an ocean when I wash her hair. Amazing, not a single fight (about the hair washing) since then.”
Jane M. and Jack
Mum and 4 year old
“My 4 year old boy Jack has a little brother, Oliver, 2.5 years younger. At the beginning Jack was a lovely, caring older brother.
Things changed when Oliver started to express himself more, and be more mobile. He started to irritate Jack, by grabbing and playing with his toys, asking for my attention.
Jack started to show Oliver how he felt about him by pinching him, hitting his head while passing by or sometimes pushing him.
I was very upset. My two little babies and so much anger already.
We tried to reason with Jack, but that made no difference.
We then started to apply punishment techniques like putting Jack on a naughty step or taking away his toys; OMG this resulted in Jack being even more hateful towards Oliver.
We spoke with Agata at Family Date and she helped us work through a number of techniques. One that stood out was the “making amends” technique.
Every time Jack miss-behaved towards Oliver, rather than punishing Jack in any way, we showed him how to make amends.
This actually made Jack feel better about himself. Seeing that he made his little brother stop crying and smiled made him happy. As a result he became more gentle with Oliver.
There are times when Jack forgets himself and does something he is not supposed to, when this happens he immediately is trying to rectify his mistake by running back to Oliver with a toy or a kiss to make himself better.
It’s amazing to see that.”
If any of these case studies resonate with you and you’d like to rectify your situation, then contact me for a no obligation discussion.
- Agata, founder of Family Date.